<마지막 북리뷰 후기>

내 평생 처음으로 영문 소설을 읽었다. 무식하면 용감하다고 그 첫 책이 The Remains of the Day라니. 차라리 저자의 Never Let Me Go를 선택했다면 좀 더 수월하고 재미있게 읽었을 지도 모르겠다. ‘적극적인 노력’이 아니고서는 읽기 어려운 지루한 문체이다. 북리뷰가 ‘적극적인 노력’의 역할을 했다. 읽다가 몇 번 졸았다. 영어 표현 자체는 어렵지 않으나 문체가 단조롭고 잔잔하다. 은근한 개그감이 있긴 하지만 이런 걸 유럽식 유머라고 하나, 지나간 후에야 ‘혹 그게 개그였나?’싶은 그런 느낌이다.   

 

그럼에도 읽을 만 했다. 전반부에 세기말 버틀러에 대한 이야기가 장황하게 나와서 도대체 무슨 이야기를 하려는 걸까 싶었는데, 세계대전을 앞둔 유럽이라는 시공간을 배치하고 당대의 거물을 오히려 엑스트라처럼 배치한 정교함에 놀랐다. 평범한 사람이 자신이 처한 시공간에서 어떻게 살아가야 할지를 담담하게(지루하게) 일깨워주는 소설. 시끄러운 알람 시계가 아닌 커피를 끓이며 커피 냄새로 각성시키는 그런 소설이라 하겠다(쓰고 보니 이 표현 마음에 드네).

 

영문 북리뷰라는 개인적 실험을 통해 자신감을 얻었다. 내친 김에 존 스타인 벡의 <분노의 포도>도 읽어보고 싶다.

 

월요일에 제출하는 마지막 북리뷰라 생각하니 괜히 아쉽다. 이렇게 1년을 마무리 한다. 책을 읽는 것만이 아니라 책을 쓴 작가의 삶까지 스토킹 하다시피 했던 <저자연구>가 개인적으로 의미 & 재미 있었다. 수고했다. 리아.

DAY THREE. MORNING/ Taunton, Somerset

 

129 It soon became clear, however, that these local people were perturbed by my presence, feeling something of a need to show hospitality. Whenever there was a break in their conversation, one or the other of them would steal a glance in my direction as though trying to find it in himself to approach me.

<나는 걷는다>의 여러 에피소드가 생각나는 대목이다. 시골에서 주로 접할 수 있는 외지인에 대한 호기심. 그리고 환대.

 

130 I had been rather pleased with my witticism when it had first come into my head, and I must confess I was slightly disappointed it had not been better received than it was. I was particularly disappointed, I suppose, because I have been devoting some time and effort over recent months to improving my skill in this very area. That is to say, I have been endeavoring to add this skill to my professional armory so as to fulfill with confidence all Mr. Farraday’s expectations with respect to bantering.

이젠 영국인 주인이 아닌 미국인 주인을 모시게 된 스티븐스. 미국인 주인에게 맞는 유머감각을 일종의 ‘기술’로서 연마하려는 주인공의 모습이 웃기기도 하고 짠하기도 하다. 현대에서 일하게 된 모로코인 친구가 있었다. 무슬림이라 삼겹살과 소주를 먹을 수 없었는데 그럼에도 현대에서 일하면서 사람들과 어울리고자 그녀가 열심이었던 것은 ‘축구’였다. 갑자기 그 친구 생각나네. 여하튼 축구를 잘해서 소주와 삼겹살을 먹지 못하는 핸디캡을 극복했지.

 

131 There is no reason to suppose this is not an area in which I will become proficient given time and practice, but, such are the dangerous, I have decided it best, for the time being at least, not to attempt to discharge this duty in respect of Mr. Farraday until I have practiced further.

 

134 Very soon, naturally, butlers up and down the country, under pressure from their employers, were focusing their minds on the question of silver-polishing.

 

135 I recall also watching Mr. George Bernard Shaw, the renowned playwright, at dinner on evening, examining closely the dessert spoon before him, holding it up to the light and comparing its surface to that of a nearby platter, quite oblivious to the company around him.

조지 버나드쇼를 등장시키는 깨알 연출.

 

136 It is, of course, generally accepted today that Herr Ribbentrop was a trickster: that is was Hitler’s plan throughout those years to deceive England for as long as possible concerning his true intentions, and that Herr Ribbentrop’s sole mission in our country was to orchestrate this deception.

 

And then again, you will hear these same persons talking as though Lord Darlington did something unusual in receiving hospitality from the Nazis on the several trips he made to Germany during those years. I do not suppose they would speak quite so readily if, say, The Times were to publish even one of the guest lists of the banquets given by the Germans around the time of the Nuremberg Rally. 

히틀러와 나치가 등장하기 시작.

 

137 The fact is, the most established, respected ladies and gentlemen in England were availing themselves of the hospitality of the German leaders, and I can vouch at first hand that the great majority of these persons were returning with nothing but praise and admiration for their hosts. Anyone who implies that Lord Darlington was liaising covertly with a known enemy is just conveniently forgetting the true climate of those times. 

‘그 때는 그랬다. 그 시대의 분위기가 그랬다’는 식으로 변명하는 경우가 얼마나 많나.

 

Once the ugliness of the blackshirts’ movement became apparent – and let it be said his lordship was quicker than most in noticing it – Lord Darlington had no further association with such people.

 

138 It is of course noticeable that the individuals who express such scientism invariably turn out to be the most mediocre of our profession. – those who know they lack the ability to progress to any position of note and who aspire only to drag as many down to their own level as possible – and one is hardly tempted to take such opinions seriously.

 

DAY THREE. EVENTING/ Moscombe, near Tavistock, Devon

 

145 I feel I should perhaps return a moment to the question of his lordship’s attitude to Jewish persons, since this whole issue of anti-Semitism, I realize, has become a rather sensitive one these days. In particular, let me clear up this matter of a supposed bar against Jewish persons on the staff at Darlington Hall. Since this allegation falls very directly into my own realm, I am able to refute it with absolute authority.

스탭 중엔 유대인도 있었을 것이고 버틀러로서 이 문제에 대한 자신의 관점이 있었어야 할 터인데, 그저 주인의 결정을 기계적으로 따른다.

 

146 ‘I’ve been doing a great deal of thinking, Stevens. A great deal of thinking. And I’ve reached my conclusion. We cannot have Jews on the staff here at Darlington Hall.’

 

‘Sir?’

 

‘It’s for the good of this house, Stevens. In the interests of the guests we have staying here. I’ve looked into this carefully, Stevens, and I’m letting you know my conclusion.’

 

147 Indeed, the maids had been perfectly satisfactory employees and – I may as well say this since the Jewish issue has become so sensitive of late – my every instinct opposed the idea of their dismissal. Nevertheless, my duty in this instance was quite clear, and as I saw it, there was nothing to be gained at all in irresponsibly displaying such personal doubts.

‘손님’으로서의 유태인도 받지 않는 시대였으니 종업원으로서의 유태인은 더욱 힘들었을 터.

 

It was a difficult task, but as such, one that demanded to be carried out with dignity.

유태인 동료에게 해고를 명해야 하는 상황. 어려운 일이지만 ‘위엄’을 갖고 처리되어야 한다는 스티븐스. 한나 아렌트의 ‘평범한 악’은 결국 일상의 이런 모습들이 쌓인 결과이다.

 

I was then that Miss Kenton said: ‘Mr. Stevens, I cannot quite believe my ears. Ruth and Sarah have been members of my staff for over six years now. I trust them absolutely and indeed they trust me. They have served this house excellently.’

인간적인 켄턴양. 유태인 아니면서도 유태인이 받는 당시의 부당한 처사에 대해 이렇게 분노하는사람들도 있었을 터. 

 

‘Mr. Stevens, I am outraged that you can sit there and utter what you have just done as though you were discussing orders for the leader. I simply cannot believe it. You are saying Ruth and Sarah are to be dismissed on the grounds that they are Jewish?’

단지 유태인이라는 이유만으로 유능한 직원임에도 해고해야 하고, 똑똑한 학생임에도 학교에서 내보내야 하는 경우가 얼마나 많았을까. 그렇게 해야 하는 당사자 역시 얼마나 마음이 복잡하고 불편하고 힘들었을까.

 

‘Miss Kenton, I have just this moment explained the situation to you fully. His lordship has made his decision and there is nothing for you and I to debate over.’

무조건적인 복종. 맹목.

 

149 ‘Does it not occur to you, Mr. Stevens, that to dismiss Ruth and Sarah on these grounds would be simply – wrong? I will not stand for such things. I will not work in a house in which such things can occur.’

그 따위 일들이 일어나는 이 곳에서 난 일하지 않을거야!하는 켄턴양의 패기에 박수를.

 

‘I am warning you, Mr. Stevens, I will not continue to work in such a house. If my girls are dismissed, I will leave also.’

 

‘I am telling you, Mr. Stevens, if you dismiss my girls tomorrow, it will be wrong, a sin as any sin ever was one, and I will not continue to work in such a house.’

 

The fact is, the world of today is a very complicated and treacherous place. There are many things you and I are simply not in a position to understand concerning, say, the nature of Jewry.

시대가 그렇고 세상이 그렇다며 시공간을 핑계로 삼는 스티븐슨. 무엇이 옳고 무엇이 그른지 인간이 알기 힘든 것은 맞다. 그렇지만 바로 그렇기 때문에 인간은 항상 틀릴 수 있고, 실수할 수 있다는 겸손한 생각을 하며 살아가야 하는 것 같다. ‘절대성’에 대한 믿음, 원칙대로 살아가는 것의 위험이 여기 있다. 스티븐스는 주인에 대한 절대성이 과오의 시작인 것.

 

150 This did, I must admit, make me a little concerned for a time that she was serious about her threat. But then as week followed week, it became clear that there was no question of her leaving Darlington Hall, and as the atmosphere between us gradually thawed, I suppose I tended to tease her every now and again by reminding her of her threatened resignation.

 

151 I assumed this exchange with his lordship would be of some interest to Miss Kenton, and I decided it was only proper to mention it to her – even at the risk of getting her angry again. As it turned out, my doing so on that foggy afternoon I encountered her in the summerhouse produced curious results.

 

152 ‘You probably have no idea, Mr. Stevens,’ she said eventually, ‘how seriously I really thought of leaving this house. I felt so strongly about what happened. Had I been anyone worthy of any respect all, I dare say I would have left Darlington Hall long ago.’ She paused for a while, and I turned my gaze back out to the poplar trees down in the distance. Then she continued in a tired voice: ‘It was cowardice, Mr. Stevens. Simple cowardice. Where could I have gone? I have no family. Only my aunt. I love her dearly, but I can’t live with her for a day without feeling my whole life is wasting away. I did tell myself, of course, I would soon find some new situation. But I was so frightened, Mr. Stevens. Whenever I thought of leaving, I just saw myself going out there and finding nobody who knew or cared about me. There, that’s all my high principles amount to. I feel so ashamed of myself. But I just couldn’t leave, Mr. Stevens. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave.’

켄턴양의 이 대사가 쓸쓸하다. 불의를 보고 때려치고 싶은 패기는 패기일 뿐. 현실은 만만치 않다. 갈 데가 없어. 가족도 없고 그녀를 돌봐줄 사람이 없는데 어딜 가겠나. 스스로를 비겁하고 수치스럽게 생각하는 켄턴양. 켄턴양이 처한 상황은 많은 소시민들이 처한 상황이기도 하다. 치사하고 더러워도 때려 칠 수 없는 상황.

 

153 ‘Do you realize, Mr. Stevens, how much it would have meant to me if you had thought to share your feelings last year? You knew how upset I was when my girls were dismissed. Do you realize how much it would have helped me? Why, Mr. Stevens, why, why, why do you always have to pretend?’

원칙적인 사람은 공감 능력이 부족한 건가. 분명 스티븐스도 유대인 동료의 해고는 부당하다고 느꼈던 건데. 그 감정을 켄턴양과 공유했다면 결과는 바꾸지 못했을지언정 과정 속에서 마음의 상처는 어루만져 줄 수 있었을 터인데. 1년이 지나서야 ‘나도 그 때 이건 아니다 싶었어.’라고 이야기를 하니 고구마 100개 먹은 답답함이다.

 

154 She was again gazing out at the view, but it had by this point grown so dark inside the summerhouse, all I could see of her was her profile outlined against a pale and empty background. I excused myself and proceeded to make my exit.

 

155 ‘I see much potential in this girl,’ she continued to say in the face of my protests. ‘She will be directly under my supervision and I will see to it she proves good.’

 

156 ‘It is very interesting, Mr. Stevens. Very interesting you should have been so pessimistic about her. Because Lisa is a pretty girl, no doubt about it. And I’ve noticed you have a curious aversion to pretty girls being on the staff.’

 

‘Ah, but I’ve noticed it, Mr. Stevens. You do not like pretty girls to be on the staff. Might it be that our Mr. Stevens fears distraction? Can it be that our Mr. Stevens is flesh and blood after all and cannot fully trust himself?’

‘우리 스티븐스가 예쁜 스탭에게 유혹 당할까봐 무서운 거유?’라고 놀리는 느낌. 영어에서도 our를 쓰는구나. ‘우리’ 아무개라는 표현은 영어권에는 없는 줄 알았는디.

 

157 they are intensely irritating, but one learns to accept them. In fact, as far as these sorts of ‘moonlight’ departures were concerned, this was among the more civilized.

 

There were, as I recall, many misspelt, ill-formed sentences about how much in love the couple were, how wonderful the second footman was, and how marvelous the future was that awaited them both.

글쎄다. 과연 멋진 미래가 기다리고 있을지. 젊은 날의 열정은 과연 무엇인지.

 

One line, as I recall it, read something to the effect of: ‘We don’t have money but who cares we have love and who wants anything else we’ve got one another that’s all anyone can ever want.’

한 공간에서 먹고 자니 수많은 로맨스가 있을 수밖에 없을 터. 물론 그런 로맨스가 조직에 누가 되기도 하겠지만, 그렇다고 궁녀의 연애 금지로 많은 슬픈 사연을 만들었던 궁은 비인간적이었다.

 

160 and yet, when one remembers that good organization and foresight are qualities that lie at the very heart of one’s profession, it is hard to avoid the feeling that one has, somehow, let oneself down again.

 

To my left, I could see the last glow of the sunset. The skyline was broken here and there by the shapes of barns and farmhouses some way away over the fields, but otherwise, I appeared to have left behind all signs of community.

 

161 here and there, wisps of white smoke were rising from chimneys.

내가 초등학교 다닐 때만 해도 집을 그리라고 하면 초가집에 박이 얹어 있고 굴뚝에서 연기가 나는 그런 그림을 그렸더랬다. 초가집에 살았던 것은 아니었지만 집에 대한 그런 이미지는 있었어. 식사 때가 되면 마을 여기 저기 굴뚝에서 피어나는 연기. 요새는 다 아파트 그리겠지.

 

164 In thinking about this recently, it seems possible that that odd incident the evening Miss Kenton came into my pantry uninvited may have marked a crucial turning point.

 

165 The butler’s pantry, as far as I am concerned, is a crucial office, the heart of the house’s operations, not unlike a general’s headquarters during a battle, and it is imperative that all things in it are ordered – and left ordered – in precisely the way I wish them to be.

자기 공간에 대해 너무 거창하게 말씀하심.

 

I have never been that sort of butler who allows all sorts of people to wander in and out with their queries and grumbles. If operations are to be conducted in a smoothly coordinated way, it is surely obvious that the butler’s pantry must be the one place in the house where privacy and solitude are guaranteed.

 

166 ‘Please show me that volume you are holding, Mr. Stevens,’ Miss Kenton said, continuing her advance, ‘and I will leave you to the pleasures of your reading. What on earth can it be you are so anxious to hide?’

 

167 The book was, true enough, what might be described as a ‘sentimental romance’ – one of a number kept in the library, and also in several of the guest bedrooms, for the entertainment of lady visitors. There was a simple reason for my having taken to perusing such works; it was an extremely efficient way to maintain and develop one’s command of the English language.

 

It is my view – I do not know if you will agree – that in so far as our generation is concerned, there has been too much stress placed on the professional desirability of good accent and command of language; that is to say, these elements have been stressed sometimes at the cost of more important professional qualities.

 

For all that, it has never been my position that good accent and command of language are not attractive attributes, and I always considered it my duty to develop them as best I could.

 

One straightforward means of going about this is simply to read a few pages of a well-written in good English, with plenty of elegant dialogue of much practical value to me.

이 고지식한 버틀러가 읽고 있던 책은 제인 오스틴의 책 정도가 아니었을까 싶다. 버틀러로서 고급 영어를 구사하고 싶어 소설을 읽었다고 하니 그 열심에 박수를 쳐줘야 하는건지. 이렇게 꽉 막힌 열심을 가지고 원칙대로 살아가는 사람은 방향도 없고 통찰도 없다.

 

168 And of course, any butler who regards his vocation with pride, any butler who aspires at all to a ‘dignity in keeping with his position’, as the Hayes Society once put it, should never allow himself to be ‘off duty’ in the presence of others.

 

169 The main point about it was that it alerted me to the fact that things between Miss Kenton and myself had reached – no doubt after a gradual process of many months – an inappropriate footing.

 

170 But then, as I say, the pattern changed. She began suddenly to take full advantage of her contracted time off, disappearing regularly from the house from early in the morning, leaving no information other than the hour she might be expected back that night.

패턴을 벗어나는 조짐이라는 것.

 

‘Your Miss Kenton. I believe she’s now what? Thirty-three? Thirty-four? Missed out on the best of her mothering years, but it’s not too late yet.’

 

‘Miss Kenton’, I assured him, ‘is a devoted professional. I happened to know for a fact that she has no wish for a family.’

 

But Mr. Graham had smiled and shook his head, saying: ‘Never believe a housekeeper who tells you she doesn’t want t a family. Indeed, Mr. Stevens, I should think you and I could sit here now and count up at least a dozen between us that once said as much, then got married and left the profession.’

 

171 Furthermore, I was obliged to recognize certain other little signs which tended to support Mr. Graham’s theory.

 

In fact, the times when she became extremely cheerful for days on end – and for no observable reason – were almost as disturbing to me as her sudden, often prolonged sullen spells. As I say, she remained utterly professional throughout it all, but then again, it was my duty to think about the welfare of the support Mr. Graham’s notion that Miss Kenton was contemplating departing for romantic purpose, I clearly had a responsibility to probe the matter further. I did then venture to ask her one evening during one of our sessions over cocoa:

 

172 ‘This acquaintance of mine. I remember when he was butler at Granchester Lodge, he was full of the most marvelous ambitions. In fact, I imagine his ultimate dream would have been to become butler of a house like this one.

 

Oh, but when I think now of some of his methods! Really, Mr. Stevens, I can just imagine your face if you were to be confronted by them now. It really is no wonder his ambitious remained unfulfilled.’

 

‘At these sorts of levels, Miss Kenton, the profession isn’t for everybody. It is easy enough to have lofty ambitions, but without certain qualities, a butler will simply not progress beyond a certain point.’

 

173 ‘As far as I am concerned, Miss Kenton, my vocation will not be fulfilled until I have done all I can to see his lordship through the great tasks he has set himself. The day his lordship’s work is complete, the day he is able to rest on his laurels, content in the knowledge that he has done all anyone could ever reasonably ask of him, only on that day, Miss Kenton, will I be able to call myself, as you put it, a well-contented man.’

 

176 And perhaps occurring as it did around the same time as these events – my encounter with Miss Kenton in the dining room the afternoon she received the news of her aunt’s death might be seen as yet another ‘turning point’ of sorts.

 

But then it occurred to me that if I were to do so, I might easily intrude upon her private grief. Indeed, it was not impossible that Miss Kenton, at that very moment, and only a few feet from me, was actually crying. The thought provoked a strange feeling to rise within me, causing me to stand there hovering in the corridor for some moments. But eventually I judged it best to await another opportunity to express my sympathy and went on my way.

바로 앞에도 1년 후에야 솔직한 마음 털어놓더니. 이번에도 또 타이밍 놓치는 스티븐스. 켄턴양이 힘들어 할 때 바로 그 자리에서 위로를 해줘야 하는 것을.

 

180 That is to say, it will be my responsibility to determine whether or not Miss Kenton has any interest, now that her marriage, sadly, appears to have broken down and she is without a home, in returning to her old post at Darlington Hall.

 

But I would still maintain there is more than a hint of nostalgic longing in certain parts of her letter, particularly when she writes such things as: ‘I was so fond of viewing the lawn with the downs visible in the distance.’

 

181 ‘But something went wrong with the circuit and we’ve been without it now for almost two months. To tell you the truth, we don’t miss it so much. There’s a few houses in the village that’s never had electricity at all. Oil gives a warmer light.’

 

183 ‘It’s privilege to have a gentleman like yourself here in Moscombe, sir.’

 

184 ‘You’re very kind, sir,’ Mrs. Smith said. ‘That’s the way a real gentleman is. That Mr. Lindsay was no gentleman. He may have had a lot of money, but he was never a gentleman.’

 

‘That’s true what Harry says. You can tell a true gentleman from a false one that’s just dressed in finery. Take yourself, sir. It’s not just the cut of your clothes, nor is it even the fine way you’ve got of speaking. There’s something else that marks you out as a gentleman. Hard to put your finger on it, but it’s plain for all to see that’s got eyes.’

 

185 I saw little point in attempting to explain this statement further. Indeed, I had merely given voice to the thoughts running through my mind while listening to the preceding talk and it is doubtful I would have said such a thing had the situation not suddenly demanded it of me.

 

186 ‘That’s what we fought Hitler for, after all. If Hitler had had things his way, we’d just be slaves now. The whole world would be a few masters and millions upon millions of slaves. And I don’t need to remind anyone here, there’s not dignity to be had in being a slave. That’s what we fought for and that’s what we won. We won the right to be free citizens. And it’s one of the privileges of being born English that no matter who you are, no matter if you’re rich or poor, you’re born free and you’re born so that you can express your opinion freely, and vote in your member of parliament or vote him out. That’s what dignity’s really about, if you’ll excuse me, sir.’

모든 운동과 ism은 정의(正義)에서 시작되는 것이긴 한데. 진행과정에서 왜 변질되는 걸까. 자유를 위한 해방이 또 다른 속박이 되는 악순환은 왜 그런 걸까.

 

187 ‘Oh, no,’ I said with a laugh. Now I am not at all sure what made me utter my next statement; all I can say is that it seemed somehow called for in the circumstances in which I found myself. For I then said: ‘In fact, I tended to concern myself with international affairs more than domestic ones. Foreign policy, that is to say.’

 

‘Excuse me, sir,’ Mrs. Taylor said eventually, ‘but have you ever met Mr. Churchill?’

잠깐만, 당신, 처칠을 만났다구요??? 하고 놀라는 모습이 눈에 보인다.

 

‘Mr. Churchill? He did come to the house on a number of occasions. But to be quite frank, Mrs. Taylor, during the time I was most involved in great affairs, Mr. Churchill was not such a key figure and was not really expected to become one. The likes of Mr. Eden and Lord Halifax were more frequent visitors in those days.’

 

188 ‘Well, I must reiterate,’ I said, ‘I didn’t have a great deal to do with Mr. Churchill. But as you rightly point out, it’s rather gratifying to have consorted with him. In fact, all in all, I suppose I have been very fortunate, I would be the first to admit that.

 

It has been my good fortune, after all, to have consorted not just with Mr. Churchill, but with many other great leaders and men of influence – from America and from Europe. and when you think that it was my good fortune to have had their ear on many great issues of the day, yes, when I think back, I do feel a certain gratitude. It’s a great privilege, after all, to have been given a part to play, however small, on the world’s stage.’

거물들을 통해 시대의 흐름을 엿들을 수 있는 사람으로 운전기사도 들 수 있겠다. 리카싱 회장 운전기사가 리카싱 회장 덕에 돈 많이 벌은 유명한 일화가 생각나네. 물론 대단한 정보가 흘러도 소 귀인 사람에겐 큰 의미 없겠다만.

 

‘I would say that is, by and large, an accurate picture. But of course I have not seen Mr. Eden in recent years, and he may have been much changed by pressures. One thing I have witnessed is that public life can change people unrecognizably in a few sort years.’

 

189 but in my own small way I believe I’m doing my part. The way I see it, England’s a democracy, and we in this village have suffered as much as anyone fighting to keep it that way.

 

We’re out of the way, all right, a small village, we’re none of us getting younger, and the village is getting smaller.

 

‘I think I understand your position very well, Mr. Smith. I can well understand that you wish the world to be a better place and that you and your fellow residents here should have an opportunity to contribute to the making of a better world. It is a sentiment to be applauded. I dare say it was a very similar urge which led me to become involved in great affairs before the war. Then, as now, world peace seemed something we had only the most fragile grasp of, and I wished to do my part.’

 

190 That’s why I work so hard at the campaigning. Whether people agree or disagree – and I know there’s not one soul in this room now who’d agree with everything I say – at least I’ll get them thinking. At least I’ll remind them of their duty. This is a democratic country we’re living in. we fought for it. We’ve all got to play our part.’

 

193 I trust I need hardly underline the extent of the discomfort I suffered tonight on account of the unfortunate misunderstanding concerning my person. I can only say now that in all honesty I fail to see how I might reasonably have prevented the situation developing as it did; for by the stage I had become aware of what was occurring, things had gone so far I could not have enlightened these people without creating much embarrassment all round.

 

In any case, regrettable as the whole business was, I do not see that any real harm has been done. I will, after all, take my leave of these people in the morning and presumably never encounter them again. There seems little point in dwelling on the matter.

 

However, the unfortunate misunderstanding aside, there are perhaps one or two other aspects to this evening’s events which warrant a few moment’s thought – if only because otherwise they may come to niggle one throughout the coming days.

 

194 But life being what it is, how can ordinary people truly be expected to have ‘strong opinions’ on all manner of things – as Mr. Harry Smith rather fancifully claims the villagers here do? And not only are these expectations unrealistic, I rather doubt if they are even desirable. There is, after all, a real limit to how much ordinary people can learn and know, and to demand that each and every one of them contribute ‘strong opinions’ to the great debates of the nation cannot, surely, be wise. It is, in any case, absurd that anyone should presume to define a person’s ‘dignity’ in these terms.

 

198 people are suffering. Ordinary, decent working people are suffering terribly. Germany and Italy have set their houses in order by acting. And so have the wretched Bolsheviks in their own way, one supposes. Even President Roosevelt, look at him, he’s not afraid to take a few bold steps on behalf of his people. But look at us here, Stevens. Year after year goes by, and nothing gets better. All we do is argue and debate and procrastinate. Any decent idea is amended to ineffectuality by the time it’s gone half-way through the various committees it’s obliged to pass through. The few people qualified to know what’s what are talked to a standstill by ignorant people all around them. What do you make of it, Stevens?

루즈벨트 나오고 볼셰비키 나오고. 세상이 나아질 거 같은 희망이 보이지 않던 때가 있었다. 박근혜 정부는 유난히 길게 느껴지는 정부였다. 그런데 그녀에 이어 이명박도 구속되는 이런 날이 올 줄 누가 알았나. 역사는 어두 컴컴한 터널과 함께 ‘앞으로 나아간다’.

 

‘I will say. Look at Germany and Italy, Stevens. See what strong leadership can do if it’s allowed to act. None of this universal suffrage nonsense there. If your house is on fire, you don’t call the household into the drawing room and debater the various options for escape for an hour, do you?

 

199 The fact is, such great affairs will always be beyond the understanding of those such as you and I, and those of us who wish to make our mark must realize that we best do so by concentrating on what is within our realm; that is to say, by devoting our attention to providing the best possible service to those great gentlemen in whose hands the destiny of civilization truly lies.

답답한 사람. 인간에게 절대적인 믿음을 가지면 안된다. 요새 미우라 아야꼬의 글을 읽고 있는데, 그녀는 선생님이었더라. 패전 후 미국의 지령에 따라 국정교과서를 수정해야 하는 때가 왔단다. 어린 학생들에게 ‘먹을 가세요’라고 한 후, ‘자, 이제부터 몇 페이지 몇 줄에서 몇 줄까지 먹칠을 합니다’라며 교과서에 먹칠을 하게 했단다. 자신이 지금까지 가르친 것이 잘못된 것인가, 아니면 지금의 미국의 잘못된 것일까. 인간이 되기 전에 국민이 되라며 천황에게 맹목적인 복종을 했던 일본 사람들. 패전 후의 허무함과 옳고 그름에 대한 회의로 자살까지 시도했던 그녀는 결국 인간에 대한 절대적인 믿음이 잘못되었음을 깨닫고 (용서와 사랑은 지니되) 절대자인 신에게로의 믿음으로 옮겨 가더라. 그녀는 뉘우침, 반성이라는 인간적인 계기가 있었지만 이 소설 속의 주인공에겐 후회와 뉘우침이 없다. 갑자기 이명박도 생각나네.

 

Indeed, Mr. Harry Smith’s words tonight remind me very much of the sort of misguided idealism which best significant sections of our generation throughout the twenties and thirties.

 

200 ‘This employer embodies all that I find noble and admirable. I will hereafter devote myself to serving him.’ This is loyalty intelligently bestowed.

 

201 it is hardly my fault if his lordship’s life and work have turned out today to look, at best, a sad waste – and it is quite illogical that I should feel any regret or shame on my own account.

 

DAY FOUR. AFTERNOON/ Little Compton, Cornwall

 

210 Dr. Carlsle nodded, but seemed to have become immersed in his own thoughts. ‘You know, Mr. Stevens,’ he said, eventually, ‘when I first came out here, I was a committed socialist. Believed in the best services for all the people and all the rest of it. First came here in ‘forty-nine. Socialism would allow people to live with dignity. That’s what I believed when I came out here. Sorry, you don’t want to hear all this rot,’ He turned to me cheerily.

 

DAY SIX. EVENING/ Weymouth

 

241 At this point, I thought it appropriate to reveal my identity, and although I am not sure ‘Darlington Hall’ meant anything to him, my companion seemed suitably impressed.

 

243 ‘Lord Darlington wasn’t a bad man. He wasn’t a bad man at all. And at least he had the privilege of being able to say at the end of his life that he made his own mistakes. His lordship was a courageous man. He chose a certain path in life, it proved to be a misguided one, but there, he chose it, he can say that at least.

후회 없는 삶을 산다면 좋겠지만 사람은 언제든 실수할 있다. 그러나 후회하고 뉘우칠 때 남은 삶을 제대로 살 수 있는 기회가 주어진다. 주역에는 길흉회린이라는 표현이 있다. 길흉 사이에 회린이 있는데 여기서 悔, 즉 후회를 할 수 있을 때 남은 인생의 방향이 吉로 갈 수 있다. 후회 없이 뉘우침 없이 잘못된 길을 계속 가면 그 미래는 凶할 뿐이다.

 

As for myself, I cannot even claim that. You see, I trusted. I trusted in his lordship’s wisdom. All those years I served him, I trusted I was doing something worthwhile. I can’t even say I made my own mistakes. Really – one has to ask oneself – what dignity is there in that?’

자기가 한 일이 가치 있었다고 믿고 싶은 스티븐스.

 

244 ‘You’ve got to enjoy yourself. The evening’s the best part of the day. You’ve done your day’s work. Now you can put your feet up and enjoy it. That’s how I look at it. Ask anybody, they’ll all tell you. The evening’s the best part of the day.’

따듯한 말이다. 하루 중 저녁이 제일 좋은 시간이야. 너 낮에 충분히 일했어. 이제 발 뻗고 편히 쉬어. 지금이 제일 좋은 때야. 저녁이 있는 삶. 황혼의 시기를 하루로 치면 이렇게 발 뻗고 쉬는 저녁으로 바라볼 수 있다는 것, 좋다.

 

------------마지막 두 페이지가 백미이므로 그대로 옮김-------------------

 

It is now some twenty minutes since the man left, but I have remained here on this bench to await the event that has just taken place – namely, the switching on of the pier lights. As I say, the happiness with which the pleasure seekers gathering on this pier greeted this small event would tend to vouch for the correctness of my companion’s words; for a great many people, the evening is the most enjoyable part of the day.

 

Perhaps, then, there is something to his advice that I should cease looking back so much, that I should adopt a more positive outlook and try to make the best of what remains of my day.

 

After all, what can we ever gain in forever looking back and blaming ourselves if our lives have not turned out quite as we might have wished? The hard reality is, surely, that for the likes of you and I, there is little choice other than to leave our fate, ultimately, in the hands of those great gentlemen at the hub of this world who employ our services.

 

What is the point in worrying oneself too much about what one could or could not have done to control the course one’s life took? Surely it is enough that the likes of you and I at least try to make our small contribution count for something true and worthy.

 

And if some of us are prepared to sacrifice much in life in order to pursue such aspirations, surely that is in itself, whatever the outcome, cause for pride and contentment.

 

A few minutes ago, incidentally, shortly after the lights came on, I did turn on my bench a moment to study more closely these throngs of people laughing and chatting behind me. There are people of all ages strolling around this pier: families with children; couples; couples, young and elderly, walking arm in arm.

 

There is a group of six or seven people gathered just a little way behind me who have aroused my curiosity a little.

 

I naturally assumed at first that they were a group of friends out together for the evening. But as I listened to their exchanges, it became apparent they were strangers who had just happened upon one another here on this spot behind me.

 

Evidently, they had all paused a moment for the lights coming on, and then proceeded to fall into conversation with one another. As I watch them now, they are laughing together merrily. It is curious how people can build such warmth among themselves so swiftly.

 

It is possible these particular persons are simply untied by the anticipation of the evening ahead. But, then, I rather fancy it has more to do with this skill of bantering. Listening to them now, I can hear them exchanging one bantering remark after another.

 

It is, I would suppose, the way many people like to proceed. In fact, it is possible my bench companion of a while ago expected me to banter with him – in which case, I suppose I was something of a sorry disappointment.

 

Perhaps it is indeed time I began to look at this whole matter of bantering more enthusiastically. After all, when one thinks about it, it is not such a foolish thing to indulge in – particularly if it is the case that in bantering lies the key to human warmth.

 

It occurs to me, furthermore, that bantering is hardly an unreasonable duty for an employer to expect a professional to perform. I have of course already devoted much time to developing my bantering skills, but it is possible I have never previously approached the task with the commitment I might have done.

 

Perhaps, then, when I return to Darlington Hall tomorrow – Mr. Farraday will not himself be back for a further week – I will begin practicing with renewed effort. I should hope, then, that by the time of my employer’s return, I shall be in a position to pleasantly surprise him. (THE END!!!)